Super Sloth!

I feel I took a knock today, a push back when I am trying my hardest to move forward and I did let it get me down. When you feel like you are trapped in this dark hole and all you want to do is climb out as fast as you can, for me and for everyone around me. I feel like I am really trying my hardest to be positive, not let the small things set me back and keep moving to a better place, it’s not easy all the time but I do it for the people around me.

I had my heart set on going to study counselling in January, I saw it as a goal, something to keep my head distracted and work towards but I spoke with my GP and she thinks I should wait until September. I know I need to fix myself first and that takes time so I have to be patient and slow down a bit, everything in today’s world is so fast pace so I do feel I have to try and keep up. I felt it was a setback to my bigger picture, I had the idea in my head and it was the most positive I have felt in a long time so I wanted to cling onto that happiness and not lose it.  But I have to think of it more as in September I will be stronger, in a better place and ready crack on and study!

I guess it feels like this black dog is out of my control sometimes, I want to be better now, I want to be happy now, I want to be able to run now and I want to train to be a counsellor now but all of these things need time so it does get disheartening. I know I have come a long way the last few months so I should be pleased and feel that is enough for now, but what I have achieved the last couple of months is other people’s normalities…like getting out of bed earlier, eating breakfast, going out the house, getting out of bed…so they don’t feel massive!

Planning in advance can be good as you know where you want to go and can work out a plan on how to get there but it can also be overwhelming when you already feel the world is against you. I spoke to my friend (who is old and wise!!) and she said about trying to cut down how much I am planning forward, try to think about the next 3 months instead of stressing about 6+ months. I think when you are on the road to recovery it is so important to take small steps, celebrate the small achievements and just keep talking to the people that care about you, I have never been a massively open person but knowing there are people I can turn to for a chat or a hug is the best.  

So I need to think more like a sloth, I need slow down and appreciate that there are some things in life that can’t be rushed and unfortunately this is one of those things. I once got told that the best things in life are worth waiting for so I am going to be more sloth, they get to sleep loads and are proper chilled out so what’s not to love! So don’t rush your way through life, slow down and appreciate the little things in life and take it one day at a time!!