ST

Dark…worthless…pointless…exhausted…sad…that’s just some of the things that the black dog makes you feel, it’s like you can’t see a way out or don’t see the point in trying to find a way out. You have people rushing around you, fussing, saying unhelpful things and trying to push you into getting out the house.

I met ST a few weeks back, I was apprehensive to start with because asking for help is a MASSIVE step and I haven’t had the best previous counselling experiences…but she dared me to come along and meet her so I thought yeah why not! I don’t do well in like the whole professional setting, so in my head I’m already panicking thinking what the F**K am I meant to say?! I don’t want to swear to much, I don’t want to crack to many stupid jokes, I don’t want to sit in silence so I am pretty much out of options!

Since I have been hanging out with ST I feel the most positive I have in a long time, I feel like with her I can win the fight with this black dog. The way I see counselling to make it that little bit less overwhelming is it’s like having your own personal fan, you have someone cheering you on, pushing you and making you believe in yourself again. So I’m thinking ST is quite a dedicated fan, like one that has a shirt, scarf, and hat and will always show up and cheer me on!

Its early days for me and ST but this is the first glimmer of hope I have seen in a LONG time, so far we have good banter (most important thing to me!!), she has quite a friendly/calm presence and she has opened my eyes that I might have depression but it doesn’t define me and I really needed that!